Why are the definitions of "fottere" so biased towards the man?

Question

I came here to ask this question based on a question in the Spanish language stack based on the origin of the Spanish word joder (somewhat equivalent to fottere, though follar would be closer). In my answer there I learnt the Italian word fottere is quite an old one, but the surprise came when I looked up its meaning.

You see, in Spanish the official defintion of joder is as follows:

Poseer sexualmente a alguien.

I found the equivalent definition here for fottere in Italian:

Possedere qlcu. sessualmente.

But I found that definition only in one dictionary online. In other three dictionaries the definition was:

Possedere sessualmente una donna.

So my question is why are the definitions of Italian fottere so biased towards the man possessing a woman? What happens when the woman takes the initiative, or even when two women make the sexual act? Can't a woman fottere a man or another woman? Is the word used in those cases or do you use another one?

Answer 1

The word fottere can be used for a man and also for a woman, grammatically gender doesn't matter.

Obviously the bias you noticed comes from history and tradition, when in the past (and somewhere also now usually) the man is considered stronger and the part that takes the initiative.

Please consider that the word fottere has other meanings in Italian:

fóttere v. tr. [lat. *fŭttĕre, class. fŭtuĕre] (io fótto, ecc.), volg. – Possedere sessualmente; avere rapporti sessuali con qualcuno: Dormirem tutti due senza pensieri; Perché ’l fotter a tutti sempre piace (Berni). Fig., ingannare (to trick), imbrogliare (to cheat) o anche sopraffare (to defeat), ridurre all’impotenza (to reduce to impotence, e sim. (cfr. l’analogo uso di fregare, buggerare e sim.): m’ha fottuto, quel cialtrone!; voleva farmi lo sgambetto, ma io l’ho fottuto (opp.: ma è restato fottuto lui); anche bocciare, vincere: all’esame lo hanno fottuto; il candidato è stato fottuto dai suoi nemici nel partito. Locuzioni: mandare qualcuno a farsi f., andare a farsi f., mandare, andare a quel paese; fottersene di qualcuno, di qualche cosa, infischiarsene, fregarsene. ◆ Part. pass. fottuto, anche come agg., senza un preciso sign. proprio ma usato come epiteto ingiurioso o come espressione di sfogo: sei un porco fottuto; avere una sfortuna fottuta; che caldo fottuto!; quel baron fottuto (v. barone2); non ce l’ho fatta, mondo fottuto!

Answer 2

Fottere comes from the Latin futuere, and it means penetrate vaginally.

So, originally, this could literally only be done by a man to a woman.

"According to the classicist Holt N. Parker (1997), sexual categorization in ancient Rome was based on a fundamental distinction between sexual activity and passivity, with no special attention being paid to the homo/hetero distinction that is fundamental for modern Westerners. 'Active' sexuality in the Roman system meant using the penis to penetrate one of three bodily orifices.

[Cameron, Language and Sexuality]

Nowadays I believe you would use, from less to more crude, fare (al)l'amore con, fare sesso con or scopare (con) - or any of dozens of synonyms - that are more or less gender neutral.

What happens when the woman takes the initiative

I've heard distinctions made as to the initiating party by using the transitive or intransitive form of scopare, or even farsi scopare.

Answer 3

According to this Online Italian Etymological Dictionary, the proper meaning of the word “fottere” is “to plant” (a seed, etc.); from this, the meaning of “having sexual intercourse” would have developed, but with an easily understandable connection with the idea of penetration. As a matter of fact, “fottere” (qualcuna/o) does not mean “to have sexual intercourse” (with somebody) in its broadest and most general sense, but, more specifically, “to penetrate” (somebody). This explains why, in cultures or in times still dominated by sexual stereotypes, the verb could be defined as “possedere sessualmente una donna”. Of course, it may be the case that “A fotta B” (in the sexual sense, cf. @abarisone’s answer for the meaning of fottere related to cheating) for all the four possible combinations of A’s and B’s genders, although it is likely, in the case of A being a female, that the use of some kind of device is implicitly understood.